Saints

1.      Our salvation is nearer than anticipated. We must continue to work out our salvation because we never know when we are going to die and we must be working toward becoming more like the Savior, otherwise we may be caught in our sins.

2.      Romans 12:1: Present your body as a living sacrifice to the Lord

Romans 12:2: Be transformed through the Lord and His will
Romans 12:9: Cleave to that which is good
Romans 12:13: Give to those in need
Romans 12:16: Be united
Romans 12:21: Overcome evil with good
Romans 13:1: Allow God to work in your life
Romans 13:3: Do good
Romans 13:8: Love one another
Romans 13:9: Obey the commandments

3.      Paul cautions that people should not be concerned so much about what other people are doing, because it may be right for them, but we must remember that we will all stand before the judgment seat of God, so we need to be concerned about if we’re doing what is right. From Doctrine and Covenants we learn that not only is it important to not be judging them, but to be united with them. We are all brothers and sisters under God and we need to be kind with one another and treat them as such.

4.      Paul referred to the people as saints. 

A Year of Meds, IVs, and Changes

For those of you who care to know, I figured I could use a release with writing anyway, and let people in on what has been going on lately. I plan to be brutally honest, so don't feel obligated to read or anything, and I'm not fishing for sympathy. And it's a novel--just warning.

This school year (to give it a definite beginning) has been one of the hardest times of my entire life. Last summer I probably weighed about 118. Today as I sit here writing, I weigh 99 on a good day. Fall semester was a train wreck. I was sick ALL the time and felt like my body was just trying to attack me. We didn't know what was wrong and went to the doctor many times trying to figure it out. I got my blood drawn for the first time, got IVs for the first time...and I got put on the most disgusting, horrible medication I have ever taken. This medication seemed to clear some of my symptoms, but they soon returned and it felt like we were back at square one. Derek and I were trying to plan our wedding, go to school, and deal with my health. I honestly don't know how he put up with me, but I do know that in a way it was a blessing for us because I had to learn to let go of some control and really let him into our life. We had a beautiful wedding and then that night, and most of the honeymoon, I once again wasn't feeling very well. I did my best to put on a good face, but it was rather difficult. We got back to school and once again, to the doctor's I went. We did some more testing and finally confirmed that I had C difficile--a nasty bacterial infection. I was literally brought to tears when I heard I would but put BACK on that horrible medication, and this time 3 times a day. I think I made it...3 days max before I was throwing up and couldn't take the medication anymore. I went to a GI and he basically told me he figured I was cured. This brought a brief period of mediocre health. This experience, along with the ones you will continue to read about bring me to the picture seen above. Prior to this year, I'm not sure I've ever really been on a medication...heck, I really don't like pills. But that is a picture of what I've been on and I still have evidence of. Hello junky.

Winter semester was a little easier to handle and I thought maybe things were looking up. Derek and I decided to stay during our off-track, and I quickly questioned that decision as I was completely drained with schooling. A few weeks later we got extremely exciting news--we were expecting our first baby. Floods of emotions ran through me, I had already experienced some uneasiness before we found out, so I was a little nervous how things would go. After appointments being pushed back far too many times, I once again met with the GI and he told me things looked good, and he would basically turn me over to an OBGYN. The next few weeks were....let's just say tough. I was already underweight and was finding extremely difficult to get myself to eat and started throwing up more consistently. One day Derek dragged me to the doctor's office and I refused to go in because I knew I was going to be sick and I wasn't about to throw up in front of all those people. He went in and I waited outside and threw up in the bushes. We went back in, found out that my body was starting to tear down my muscles because I wasn't getting enough in me; more IVs. They prescribed me some nausea medication--for which I was very grateful--and we anxiously waited the next week for our first "official" appointment.

Wednesday June 4th arrived and I was feeling excited and nervous as we drove up to the women's clinic for our 9-week ultrasound. We ended up waiting for quite awhile and before finally going back. The room was dark and my heart started racing as the jelly hit my stomach. We couldn't see much so we had to do a vaginal ultrasound. We saw our little peanut and she then informed us that I have a decent-sized cyst on one of my ovaries--apparently something that is common with pregnancy, and she didn't seem too worried about it. We came back to see our little one and it was then that time seemed to slow. She told us that we should see the heartbeat, but that there wasn't one. Derek started asking questions, but the moment I heard the words "I'm so sorry" my mind started to cloud and my eyes burned. I felt so numb from this point on that it is all a blur. She left, I changed. And she told us we would meet with the doctor to know what to do from here. What to do from here? This was supposed to be the day we finally got to see our child and get ready to prepare for all that was coming, and suddenly I felt almost stupid for assuming that things would be fine. Every time I felt I got control of my tears, something would happen, someone would say something, or I would replay in my mind those words "no heartbeat, I'm so sorry" over and over and I would just lose it.

The doctor finally came in and I just lost it again but I just wanted him to say what he had to say so we could leave. Most of what he said just floated over me and I tried to get a handle on the reality of things. Since I hadn't had any bleeding or cramping or anything, he told us that the body doesn't always do a good job of flushing things out and he suggested a D&C. I remember many times in church when people would say they didn't like when others referred to the Doctrine and Covenants as D&C, and now I finally comprehend why. It broke my heart even more to realize that I was about to have this precious little body, not even 2 cm in length, sucked out of me. We left the doctor and went to the hospital to register for my surgery. Woah. Surgery. That is a new one. Obviously a small one, I would just be there for a short time and have a fairly quick recovery. But wow, it all was just rushing past me and I didn't understand what was going on.

We finally got home and Derek and I both just lost it. We knew we had to tell our families, I tried to call my mom and when she finally answered I just started bawling and I couldn't say a word. Derek had to break the news to her. He gave me a blessing and then called a friend from the ward, asking to give him a blessing. Those friends later brought us dinner, dessert, and movies. I'm so grateful for the supportive family and friends we have, otherwise, I honestly don't know what I would do. I tried to sleep, I desperately wanted to sleep. All I could think of was how desperately I just wanted to see our little peanut, whether it was one last time on the ultrasound, or see that tiny, perfect body. It killed me to know with wouldn't be a reality. It took what felt like hours until I finally drifted to a state of unconsciousness. Within a 6 hour period I got up twice to go to the bathroom, and eventually Derek woke up to go to his lab. I just laid in bed for as long as I could. I was ordered to fast from midnight on the morning of my surgery (today, the 5th). I don't know if you can comprehend what that is like for me. I'm at a much lower weight than I would like to be, and I had barely been able to keep food down, but my stomach is only so big, and I get really nauseous when it gets too empty. Some how I made it.

Finally it was time to make our way to the hospital. We checked in and got taken back to day surgery. And so the adventure began. I started to put on my hospital gown and I decided it would be a good idea to go to the bathroom first. I open the door to the bathroom (completely naked, I might add) to find out this is a shared bathroom, and the door to the hallway is wide open. I quickly ran to cover and Derek closed the door. Thank Heavens I was the only person in surgery today; otherwise I might not have made it through the rest of the day. I've never been in a hospital bed before. I got another IV, and was quickly getting warm and sweaty (I blame the nerves). People kept coming in, asking questions, asking what they could do for me...but I just didn't know what to tell them. Everyone was really nice, but they all seemed so calm and like it was no big deal. A part of me resented it. This was a huge deal, I just found out we lost our baby and here I was, for my first surgery, to have it removed. The anesthetist came in and gave me a brief explanation of what was going to happen and then in a very heart-felt voice uttered "I'm really sorry you have to go through this." My word, I respected that woman. She didn't sit and wallow or fawn over us, but she recognized the pain of our situation and what I had to go through, and she simply made me feel she understood.

We then found out the doctor was running late and would be another half hour. I was getting antsy at this point, and really beginning to worry about my hunger level. When the half hour time had nearly passed, they came in again to say that he was going to be even later and now didn't even have an estimate for when he would arrive. Waiting, waiting, and waiting. Finally I heard his voice in the hallway and he came in to tell us that he had a serious emergency he had to attend to but that we would quickly get things going. The nurse took my bed back to the operating room and my anxiety was building. My heart really raced as she opened the door and some unknown person wheeled me in. I've never seen an operating room before, and here I was facing it alone, for something I really didn't want to happen. They raised my bed up and put me next to the table. I moved myself over and they began putting things all over me. I heard a male voice behind me, who I assumed was my doctor, but then realized he was much too young to be my doctor. They started strapping my arms down and monitoring my rates. The last thing I remember is this male telling me he was going to give me some medication in the IV, but he would tell me when he was giving me the sleepy stuff. I told them I hoped I didn't do anything crazy, they reaffirmed I would be fine. The next thing I know, I'm waking up back in my hospital bed in...a recovery room, I guess? I really want to know if that guy lied to me, or if I just don't remember him telling me he was putting me to sleep. Guess I'll never know. I never saw my doctor in the operating room, and apparently he had already come and talked to Derek and left by the time the wheeled me back into my room, but I assume he did his job. We waited for awhile, finally got some food in me, and I was on my way. Let me tell you, it is a strange thing having things on you body that you don't remember being put there.

We came home, and it was time to rest, and start grasping the reality that things had to get back to normal. Emotions, emotions, emotions. It's hard to see all these baby things for sale, people posting their cute ultrasounds, or pictures of their babies, or even seeing old pictures of when I was holding my new nephews, knowing that this no longer will be a reality for us for quite some time. I know the pain would probably multiply tremendously if we had to face this further down the road, but I'll admit, it is especially difficult not feeling any different, but knowing I no longer have that precious child growing within me. To make matters worse, I feel like my stomach is even bigger today, thank you Mother Nature. In all reality though, I know we really are blessed with all these people that care about us and look out for us. It has been a tremendously difficult journey, and I know it isn't going to be easy from here on out as I recover physically and emotionally, but it brings such peace to know that God has a plan for me and for our family, and that someday we will be able to bring home a little one we can call our own. Here's to hoping things look up and sleep rests easily tonight. Thanks for all the love and support.

Romans 6

 What must be done with sin before baptism can occur? Before baptism can occur, we must lay done our life of sin and not continue in it any longer.

What events from Christ’s life are symbolized in baptism? Baptism symbolizes Christ laying down anything that is not of God and that life dying, and then also His resurrection and rising again, never to taste of death again.

Considering this symbolism, why couldn’t someone be baptized by sprinkling? We cannot be baptized by sprinkling because the life of sin isn’t being buried and dying. That would mean that it is still a part of us. Therefore, the baptism would be void.

What do these verses teach us about how we can maintain the “newness of life”? I think when we continue to put aside that life of sin and unite ourselves with the Savior, we can maintain the newness of life and walk with Him.

According to Mosiah 3:19, what part of us would ideally die at baptism? The part of us that would die at baptism would be the natural man. Anything that keeps us from being a saint and from becoming like a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit, would need to die.

Study Romans 6:14–23. Write a paragraph that describes how we know whose servant we are. Then write a statement identifying the true source of freedom.

We can know whose servant we are by if we are sinning or if we are righteous—when we are sinning we are serving the Devil. When we are righteous, we are serving the Lord. If we are obeying the Lord and serving Him, we will have peace and we will be free. The true source of freedom is righteousness. 

Forgiveness

1. The people of Corinth were taught that if any have caused grief that they should forgive and comfort those them and confirm your love toward them.
2. When we forgive others, we can receive the blessing of being forgiven for our sins.
3. We learn that the danger of not forgiving is being condemned before the Lord for a greater sin than whatever we fail to forgive.

I know that forgiveness is a huge blessing in our lives; not only when we receive it, but also when we give it. Satan desires for us to hold on to those dark feelings and become entrapped, but with the help of the Lord, we can be set free.

Examples

1 Corinthians 4:2 talks about how stewards must be found faithful.
Apostles especially need to be examples to the world because they are set to be a standard for the nation and many look to them. They lead many people and are representing the Savior, so it is vital that they are faithful, righteous and setting a good example.
It's important that we don't just know what is right because others watch us and can be led away by our actions if we aren't living what we know to be true.
If we aren't doing what is right, then we won't be able to perform miracles in the name of Christ.

I know that it is important that we not only know what is right, but show that through our actions so that others can look to us and see Christ's love and care through our actions. We need His help and we must turn to Him in order to receive it.

Priesthood and Sacrament

Acts 19-20

Five ordinances Paul performed:

1. Baptism in the name of the Lord Jesus
2. Confirmation--giving of the gift of the Holy Ghost 
3. Healing of the sick
4. Sacrament
5. Raising of the dead

1. Paul baptized the Corinthian saints because it hadn't been done the right way the first time. Baptism is an important ordinance for all of God's children, but it must be done by the proper authority and in the right way.

2.  This example goes to show that even if you have been baptized before, if it wasn't done correctly, it isn't valid and needs to be done in the right way, by the right people. This is still true today.

3. Paul bestowed the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands through the priesthood.

4. The people were meeting to partake of the sacrament on the first day of the week--Sunday. In John 19 it talks of how on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene saw that the tomb was empty and then later that day Christ appeared to the disciples and He was risen again. The sacrament is in remembrance of the Savior, and the Sabbath was moved to Sunday because that is when He was risen again and when we remember and worship Him.  

Shifting

Whether you are LDS (Mormon) or not, whether you believe in God or not, I think most of us could agree that there is far too much cruelty in this world, far too much hatred. Whatever group we look at--ethnic groups, religions, gender--we will always find people that are rude, do bad things, or that we just simply don't like. This is not reason to tear people down, it is simply a fact of life we must learn to live with because we are all human. We all make mistakes, and quite frankly, every single one of us has, at some point, done the wrong thing or treated someone poorly.Why do we feel the need to contribute to this cruelty in our world, when in many cases it has absolutely nothing to do with us? At some point we have been the ones doing wrong--and even been the ones who have had the wrong done to. Isn't it far better to seek to lift, build, and strengthen our brothers and sisters that are all around us, when in reality, we are far more alike than different?

Whether you agree with wars, religion, or serving others in general, to me all these people trying to promote these things are still worth admiring. Even if one does not agree with the cause or the message, at least these soldiers, missionaries, and servers are out trying to make the world a better place in their eyes; rather than tearing people down and contributing to the hatred. It is their goal to lift people up and share the things that make their world better. Why are we so quick to get annoyed when people are out trying to make the world a better place? Even if it doesn't improve things in your eyes, more than likely they are contributing far more to bettering society than the common man.

We don't need to hate and tear down those that are different than us, those that are seeking to bring good into the world to combat all the negative and vile things. Why not celebrate the fact that there are still people trying to make a difference? This negativity on a large scale isn't going to go away any time soon. But why not today, here and now, choose not to add to this hatred. Lift someone else instead, and make your world a little better and happier. It isn't worth our time, money, and happiness to attack another; instead, spread the joy of something that makes you happy--something that makes your world a better place. You never know, maybe you can make someone else's world a little brighter today.