The little things

We tend to look forward to the big things in life--the day we graduate high school, going to college, getting married--the things we dream up in our heads over and over again, imagining what it'll be like. Every minute detail we concoct in our brains with absolute perfection. Those long-awaited events one day really do come, just as we thought they would. They are exciting--sometimes with even as much perfection as we imagined. But they whiz past us in a fleeting moment. It's often in those "big" moments when I feel like I'm dreaming, having an out-of-body experience. I feel I should be captivated by this grandiose, overwhelming feeling; but instead, it all just seems natural and less novel than I imagined it would be. They come and go, and we're left with just a faint impression of an all-too-fleeting day.

On the contrary, it's those little things that we forget to dream about--and more importantly, often forget to even take notice of, that urge us to fulfillment. A life made up of a few spectacular days, doesn't create the sweet peace that comes from a life full of the simple, daily things we take advantage of. Today Derek and I happened to have our lunch breaks at the same time and got to talk in the middle of the day--something that almost never happens. Something so minuscule, but it completely made my day. It's those little things that make the journey an incredible ride. A ride where I want to soak up every tiny detail and keep it forever. Things like how he tells me I'm beautiful every single day, regardless of how I think I look. The freckles on his upper arms. The fact that he's always winking at me. How cute he is when he says things in his Canadian way. How he'll sing to me when I ask him to. The scar on his forehead. All the little things that make him Derek. I wouldn't trade all the little things for a perfect wedding, an exhilarating graduation, or tons of big, exciting events we endlessly dream up. I just want to keep living each day and realize how lucky I am to have these constant things that keep life full of joy and love. 

Poetry Time!

Harmony

There’s a beauty that comes at a certain time,

when everything seems out of place.

Things have fallen and you can’t seem to climb;

you tell yourself you’ll lose just one race.

It’s when all seems lost and you’re ready to break,

You put on a smile and courage you fake.

Turning to your maker, you concede to His will.

With all of your might, you take one stride.

Into the darkness you go; fear sends a chill

up your spine. But you know He will guide

your paths to a place where you can see.

A whole person you might one day be.

You can’t seem to see how things will end.

He must be mistaken, there’s no way out.

Try as you may, things don’t seem to bend,

plans fall through and your heart starts to doubt.

But He is there to lift your soul;

He’s the one knowing the ultimate goal.

You continue to move through the thickening mist,

but this time your worry and doubt is gone.

All that you needed is crossed off the list.

The sun is breaking; it’s a breathtaking dawn.

He’s the one that carried you through;

A person you’ve become—whole and new. 

Trying Something New: Nail Tutorial

Today I decided to try to make a tutorial while avoiding my homework. I love painting nails and I always see cool designs online but I get frustrated when I can't figure out how to do them. So here's to hoping I help someone not face that same frustration!

To start off, all I used to create this look is in the top picture. I used OPI base and top coat; China Glaze Turned Up Turquoise; Black, White, and Silver Glitter from Kiss Nail Art paint (I got these at Fred Meyer for pretty cheap....LOVE THEM and use them all the time. Worth the money! Similar here); and a comb with a skinny handle (Rattail comb?). 

Note: Be sure to let layers dry in between steps. The thicker your layer, the longer you should wait.

1. Start with clean nails and apply a base coat

2. Apply your color of choice

3. Add a second layer of your color 

4. Using the Black Kiss Nail Art, create a line going from the bottom, outside corner of your nail (away from your thumb) toward the top, inside corner (near your thumb)

5. Fill in the nail above the line with the black. I used the nail art brush because it's the only black I have, but this would be a lot easier if you use a thicker brush.

Note: I loved this look on it's own. Feel free to stop here, continue on, or jump to step 7.

6. Take the white nail polish and drip 1-2 drops onto a piece of paper or cardboard. 

Note: Napkins and paper towels don't work too well for this step because they tend to absorb the polish too quickly.

Using the end of the comb, dip it into the nail polish and dot your nail. (You can also use a dotter, but this is the cheap, home-made way to do it). Create whatever dot design you'd like. 

7. Using the Silver Glitter, create a line between the color and the black, just like you did with the black in step 4. 

8. Finish off with a top coat and you're done! 

Hope this inspires you in your nail art endeavors! I'd love to know if anyone tries this :)

Splitting up and reforming families

Separation. Divorce. Remarriages.

Topics I was not at all thrilled to read/learn about.

However, this became a topic that brought more joy to me than I thought it could. Yes, it is really sad to think about families splitting up, and I still don't like thinking about it. But, learning about remarriages and blended families and how you can diminish the typical difficulties in them made me really excited for some reason.

 Some interesting statistics we learned this week:

• After being divorced for 2 years, 70% of those people regret the divorce and could've saved it.
• 95% of people say they're satisfied with their marriage. (it isn't true that everyone is so unhappy in their marriages)
• It usually takes 2 years for blended families to reach normalcy. 

My professor married his wife when she already had two kids. His wife came in and they told us about their experiences. As we were closing up the class, he told us a video/song that his adopted son (one of the ones from his wife's previous marriage) showed him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjO1F6oCab8

I was tearing up and realized how great of a professor I have. We have the choice of how we treat our families and the example we set for them. He said that sometimes we glorify having the same genes as our children, but really we can be great parents whether they have our genes or not.

I've learned so much from this class and I have so much more confidence in my ability to have a successful, happy family!

Raising those kiddlets

Parenting! My favorite subject! I just absolutely love learning about how we can become better parents and the effects of certain parenting styles. The biggest thing that stuck out to me this week was about what happens when children don't have their needs met--which needs don't just stop with food and shelter. People need things like contact and a sense of belonging, along with a feeling of some type of power. When these types of needs aren't being met, kids often act out and we attribute negative motives to them, when in reality they are just seeking to satisfy needs and may not know where to find them.

My professor told us a story about this little boy who used to be in his ward that drove people crazy. He was that boy that is all over the place, going crazy, stands way too close to you, and seeks attention in obnoxious ways. My professor said that one day this boy jumped unto his head. Brother Williams freaked out and threw him on the ground. He was stunned and couldn't believe what he had done. He preceded to apologize incessantly. The kid looked up and said "It's okay, my mom told me something like this would happen eventually." My professor decided to try something. During every transition period he would seek this boy out and talk to him, he would put his arm around him and show genuine interest. Very soon after he started doing this, the boy calmed down. His contact and belonging needs were being met so he didn't need to try to seek them out in outrageous ways.
Too often we see people like this--whose needs are not being met and they're doing whatever they can to try to fill those needs--and we push them away, making their needs even less met. Instead we should help them to meet their needs and this unbalance will likely diminish.

Dads and worrrrrk

I don't have too much to say this week since it was thanksgiving and we only had one class! But this week we studied about the importance of fathers and how working mothers affect the family. I could not believe how much families benefit from having a father involved in the family--I mean I guess it makes sense, but I didn't expect the value to be so tremendous. I really want my husband to be extremely involved in our family so that our children will have that strong influence.
I learned something about myself this week...I am conflicted. The more I become invested in my schooling, the more passionately I feel about it. This makes me want to share my knowledge with people and to bless other families. But I've always wanted to be home with my kids and learning about the benefits of that, makes me want to be there. It's just a conflict within myself. Maybe I can find a way to help families from home.

Talkin' it up!

Well this week we talked about everyone's favorite topic------COMMUNICATION! Three things go into communicating with others: nonverbal cues, tone of voice, and the actual words. I think I get really caught up in the words I'm saying, heck, I love words! But in reality, the actual words we say have little to do with the message we send. Communication is a case where it doesn't matter so much what we think we're sending, but what matters is the message that is received.
Try to imagine this as a circular diagram (it was kinda hard to make) but this is how communication works:

thoughts and feelings=>encode=>send through a media=>decoded
^                                                                              v
^                                                                              v
Decoded<=send through a media<=encode<=thoughts and feelings<=

You can see that there is a lot of room for misinterpretation as we try to figure out our own feelings and the feelings of others. This day brought me back to the symbolic interaction theory and how often people aren't meaning to send the message we receive.
It's important to create shared meanings so that you both know what you are talking about when you say certain things. I think this helps us to feel connected and better understand each other.
We also got this cool tip:

Describe the situation
Express feelings/opinions
Assert your wishes
Reinforce, reward people who respond positively
Mindful--stay on topic
Appear confident
Negotiate--willingness to give to get

I am a little apprehensive about parts of this model, but I think overall it's pretty good.