I had been really hoping to have Chase on January 5th, before Derek went back to school, but I would be full-term and all the chaos of Christmas would be over (plus 5 is my favorite number). The obviously didn't happen, and I was okay with it, but still a little bummed.
I had quite a few events happening the following week (which was a big change of pace since I didn't get out much). At each event I imagined what it would be like if my water broke there. I had also been imagining my water breaking in my birthing time--something I don't remember AT ALL with Brynlee's birth (I have no idea if it happened naturally or if the doctors broke it or anything). In my mind, if my water broke, I would know for sure he was coming soon. Alas, I got through all my plans and still no baby.
I had a doctor's appointment on the 15th and I saw a newborn little girl there. It made me so so anxious to have my baby earth-side. I was getting really overwhelmed with questions about if I was progressing and questions about the baby--I felt like it was my fault nothing was happening (thanks hormones), but at the same time, I just wanted this baby to come when he was ready (but hurry up and be ready already!).
By that Friday, the 19th, Derek started asking me if I could go get my membranes stripped and I didn't know if I wanted to or not; I felt silly, but he made an appointment and they got me in that afternoon. I thought I was told I was dilated to a 4, but later found out she said I was like a 3. The stripping wasn't too bad and I went home to wait.
Much to my chagrin, I made it to my appointment on Jan 22, my due date, and still didn't have a baby. My doctor checked me and asked if I wanted my membranes stripped again, to which I said, well why not. He said I was at a 4. We discussed induction--something I really didn't want, but I wanted to know how long they would let me go. He said I was a really good candidate for induction since my cervix was progressing, but I said I wanted to avoid that if at all possible. This stripping seemed more intense and I had more bleeding after it than the previous time.
That night Derek and I decided to brave the cold and walked back and forth to the workshop at the bottom of the hill in our backyard. I tried walking with one foot on a beam on the ground and was so hopeful, yet didn't think anything would come of it.
I awoke to some pressure waves (the early morning of the 23rd), and tried to sleep through them, but decided to get up and listen to some of my hypnobabies tracks. I wasn't timing them, but they seemed to be about 5 minutes apart and I was up for a couple of hours. I decided to try to go back to sleep and then was very cranky when morning came and nothing had happened. I was sleep deprived and felt like an idiot because I was sure that was the beginning of my birthing time, but now I just didn't know what was going on.
Thankfully my mom was willing to watch Brynlee and I just got some more sleep. Around 3 pm I started having consistent pressure waves again and I decided I would start tracking them. I still felt cranky because I thought it would be just like it was in the night. Derek kept telling me to let him know if he needed to come home from school. I was having a hard time knowing when to go to the hospital, let alone knowing how much time to give him to get home and then go!
They were about 5-6 minutes apart and I just tried to watch TV and keep myself distracted. I wasn't having too bad of a time with them, but wanted to focus on relaxing through the waves and not getting my hopes up. Derek got home and we ate dinner and then I decided to go downstairs and make sure everything was ready for the hospital.
Derek asked me if we should get going or if he could put Brynlee to bed first. I said just put her to bed--expecting it not to take too long. While he was doing that, I noticed my waves were starting to be about 2 minutes apart. I was talking to my sister, Jessica, asking how she felt with her last birth because I still felt like my pressure waves were very manageable, but they were so close together. She kept telling me to leave for the hospital. I kept waiting and it felt like Derek took forever to come back from putting Brynlee to bed.
Eventually he did and I told him how close together they were and that I was getting anxious to leave. We packed up in the car and headed to town. It was about 6:30 at this point and it was dark and rainy. I didn't anticipate having a hard time in the car, but it was more difficult than I expected. The road was bumpy and I wasn't very comfortable. I was also getting worried because my waves were slowing down to closer to 5 minutes again and I didn't want to be going to the hospital for nothing.
We got to the hospital at about 7 pm and I was feeling nervous to go inside. When we got in, the nurse asked why we were here. I gave her a blank look thinking, "are you serious? Why do you think?" but told her about my contractions and what not. She told me to change, take a urine sample, and they would monitor me and check me. I wasn't particularly liking how things were going, but went along with it. She kept asking me questions and I was trying to stay calm through my waves, getting annoyed with her asking. I would just close my eyes and focus while having one and she would just keep prodding for the answers and acting like she didn't understand why I wasn't answering. My annoyance was growing. I just wanted to get to a room and be left alone.
She checked my cervix. I had told Derek I didn't want to know what I was at unless it was at least a 7, because I felt so depleted with Brynlee when I was told I had barely progressed at all and that's when I decided to get an epidural. Derek started to stop her from telling me, but my pride got the better of me and I just wanted to know. She told me I was still at a 4. I was honestly surprised but just took a deep breath and didn't let it get me down. I was still managing well and I knew I could do this.
One of the midwives from my clinic came in to talk to us--the only one I hadn't met was on call (of course). She just kind of sat there making awkward small talk and I honestly was not really impressed at first. She then saw the results form my urine and said it looked like I was a little dehydrated and implied that that was likely the cause of my contractions--ones that are annoying but don't cause any progression. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I was working hard to stay positive. They told us to walk the halls for an hour and they would check me again and decide what to do from there.
Derek and I walked around the quiet halls--stopping when I needed to in order to focus on my body and allow it to work. I felt embarrassed whenever we would pass the nurse's desk and I wished we could just be by ourselves. There was one girl who was in labor while I was there. I kept wondering what was happening with her and how she was handling things. Eventually the nurse asked if I was ready to be checked again. I was shocked, "Has it already been an hour?" She said almost, so we said we'd do one more round and then she could check.
When we got back to the triage room, I sat down on the bed. Everyone--me, the nurses, the midwife--were pretty sure I was going to be sent home at this point. It didn't feel like much had changed. I had a big pressure wave and felt like I could hear and audible "POP". And then it happened: a big gush of fluid. I look to Derek, "My water just broke!" He gets this shocked look, "Are you sure?" I probably tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, "I'm sure!" He opened the door and told the nurse what I had said. My heart started pounding more and I felt my excitement growing. I took a deep breath and smiled. I had proved them wrong and my son would be here soon. The nurse came in not too long after and lifted up my gown, "It sure did break! I guess you're staying!"
My waves felt stronger after my water broke, but I felt so invigorated. My water had broke all on its own and this baby was coming! I just kept thinking, "now get me to my room; I want in the tub!"
They finally got us to our room and Derek started filling the tub immediately. They told him I couldn't get in until they finished all these questions. More questions? Are ya kidding me? (But really...isn't this the point of pre-registering? So we don't have to do this during my birthing time!) I just let Derek answer most of the questions and I just laid in the bed, focusing. Derek started telling them our desires for the birth and how we wanted the environment to be, I heard him say, "I didn't do very well in my practice run of this, but here it goes..." I had to smile. I was so grateful he was willing to go with my wishes and be my buffer for the staff. They dimmed the lights and continued with the questions.
Before they finished, I started to notice my body was feeling "pushy" with the waves. When she finally finished I said, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel pushy already." It didn't feel like too much time had passed, and I hadn't been checked since I got there, but it couldn't be time already. They checked me and I was at a 7. Derek asked if I wanted to get in the tub, to which I emphatically said yes. The nurse said she would have to check with the midwife. I was told no! I was too far along and since I was feeling pushy, if I got in, they were afraid I would have the baby in the tub (which wasn't allowed at this hospital).
I was laying on my side, grasping the handrails. I asked Derek to hold my top leg up, to help me feel more comfortable. He kept asking me if I wanted to try different positions, and I did, but I felt like I couldn't move and just stayed there the whole time. I just kept letting my body direct me and do what it needed to do. At one point, maybe after they checked me again, I heard the nurse say that the midwife was still in with the other mama in labor and that they were going to call another doctor to come, but she ended up getting in not long after that.
Derek told me I could feel the baby's head if I wanted to experience that, but I didn't feel ready yet. A few contractions later and I decided I wanted the motivation. I reached down and could feel his hair. It was an incredible experience to feel my child starting to enter this world. At one point Derek told me, "He has dark hair, just like his daddy!" I started to cry. I wanted him to have dark hair (turns out it isn't nearly as dark as we thought, and it has lightened up since then).
I never felt like my contractions were more than I could handle. I was surprised at the burning sensation I felt, which I later learned is deemed "the ring of fire." I hadn't been prepared for that sensation, but I knew it was bringing me closer to my son.
I kept telling myself that I could do this in between pressure waves and just did what I needed to during them--quiet and controlled. Derek would say encouraging things to me and he was the only one I heard almost the whole time. I did hear one nurse phone to get more support in, and then she said "No, I mean like right now." I knew I must be getting close. I had kept my eyes closed most of the time, but I remember looking up and seeing the clock for the first time since being in triage. 11:50 pm. I had thought it would be cool if he was born on 01-23, and I told myself I had 10 minutes left to get him out.
Finally I felt his head break free. I couldn't believe it. I had done it. I didn't know what to expect from there because it seemed like Brynlee came out all at once (with a vacuum). The midwife then said, "I need a big push for the shoulders." I just sat there. I didn't feel like pushing and I didn't really hear her. She said "one big push" and I realized I had to do something. I pushed and got him out and he was brought to me. I couldn't believe it. I told him, "Hi bud! We did it!! We did it!" I was flooded with emotions and couldn't believe the journey we had been on and how different it had been than with Brynlee. Everyone couldn't believe how long he seemed.
I don't remember delivering the placenta, (I just asked Derek about it). Apparently it was a while after, I had been holding Chase and they told me to push and I guess I did . I must have been so caught up in him, because I have NO recollection of that taking place (thanks, hormones for completely erasing that from my memory).
I couldn't have asked for a better experience bringing my son into this world (aside from annoying practices of hospitals at the beginning). Derek filmed the birth, without my knowledge, but I am SO SO glad he did. I love watching it and I still tear up seeing my precious boy come into this world and I feel so empowered. Our bodies are incredible and I am so grateful for the precious gift of life.
Welcome to this world, my perfect little Chase man, it is so beautiful to meet you.
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