This week has been so interesting! I've been learning about different theories about the family. It really amazes me how learning about how families work, better enables me to be successful in relationships. The three theories that stood out to me were the Family Systems Theory, the Exchange Theory, and the Symbolic Interaction Theory.
The Family Systems theory explains how each family member has a role in the family and that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. What each family member decides to do affects the entire family. This theory also encompasses the idea that families are made of spoken and unspoken rules. When family members "break" the unspoken rules, the family pushes back to bring the family back to the homeostatic state. This is really interesting because we have to be aware of the rules that we are placing in our families, and that sometimes these rules are having negative effects. Unspoken rules can also contradict each other and thus, family members cannot do right. What role do you play in your family and what types of unspoken rules do you have?
The Exchange Theory is the idea that there is give-and-take in relationships. We want to keep our costs lower than our rewards. When a relationship is costing you more than you're receiving in return, we often cut those relationships out of our lives. This is an interesting idea, but I think we need to realize that relationships take a lot of work and sacrifice.
The Symbolic Interaction Theory was extremely eye-opening to me! This one talks about how our perceptions are based on interactions and how we perceive them differently than perhaps others intended. I realized that I often assume that interactions with people mean one thing, when it can mean something entirely different to the other person. A girl in my class shared a story about the first few years of her parent's marriage. Her dad would get up before her mom and leave for work. When she'd wake up, she noticed all the drawers would be open. This drove in crazy! Finally she confronted her husband about it and asked why he kept doing this just to bug her. Her husband replied, "I'm sorry honey! I just didn't want to close the drawers and have them wake you up in the morning so I just left them open." How cute! Sometimes we think people are doing things just to bug us or because they don't care, but in reality they are trying to be kind. My professor also told us that after 20 something years of marriage his wife told him that she really hated when he did the dishes without being asked--I certainly wouldn't be complaining about that! But apparently, to her it felt like he was saying that she wasn't doing a good enough job so he was just going to take care of it. It's really interesting when you start realizing how people can interpret interactions differently. This has really helped me this past week to understand that just because people interact differently than I do, doesn't mean they don't care or they are being rude.
Have any of you noticed these theories working in your life? I'd love to hear!
It's been another great week learning and I'm excited for more! :)